If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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