put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
