Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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