He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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