Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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