Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
