I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
