in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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