I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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