Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
