just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
