I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
