instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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