holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
