Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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