please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
