Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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