you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
