hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
