Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
