i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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