at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize