He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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