How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
