i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
These tits shall not be calmed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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