Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
