Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
