god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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