I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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