I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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