# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
