I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
