I checked into jail on foursquare
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
