my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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