There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
