I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's never too late to be topless.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
