Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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