Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
