a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
