Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
