so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
