Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
