He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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