First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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