I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
wow bdsm is so cute
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