There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
