made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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