UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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