he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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