just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
